It has been a hard couple of days. Anxiety has surrounded me and at times I’ve felt like I’m drowning. Now, if you’re worried, know that I am prone toward the dramatic. That doesn’t lessen how I am feeling–a panic attack is a panic attack–but don’t overworry, okay? Just pray for me.
Back to water.
This morning it was hard to get out of bed. My lovely husband sacrificed his sleep to give our daughter her morning bottle at 4:55, and then we both slept until 7:30…a luxury for parents. We’ve now made it through breakfast and goodbye-ing with Daddy, and I am listening to my little one cry from her crib, protesting the rest that she desperately needs. Ah–she is quiet. I hope that means she’s sleeping.
Before sitting down to spend time with Jesus, I washed the bottles from yesterday because I lacked motivation to do it last night. Now, I try to conserve water while I do this, turning the water off while I scrub the formula residue from the crevices of The FirstYears BreastFlow nipples (tmi?), but today I found the sound of the running water amazingly comforting. I turned it off in an effort to conserve, but then the audial emptiness I experienced sent me to the edge of the temptation to despair. (Dramatic much? But it’s reality.)
I quickly turned the faucet back on, knowing that God loves me even in my self-perceived wasting of a natural resource and not caring about the we-love-nature-more-than-humans people that might condemn me (not mere nature-lovers, mind you–I am a nature-lover…). I thought about being outside, near a stream of flowing water, listening to it, maybe playing in it. And Luke Wood’s lyrics about wings and many waters and the voice of the Almighty frolicked through my head.
And I realized why we love to leave the faucet running while we brush our teeth.
It reminds us, somewhere deep inside, of the sound of God’s voice.
“And behold, the glory of the God of Israel came from the way of the east. His voice was like the sound of many waters; and the earth shone with His glory. (!)”
And I got to thinking, there must be a reason that the psalmist talks about deep calling unto deep at the noise of His waterfalls (Psalm 42:7). This is so deep, in so many ways. The deep longing in my heart, the deposit of the Holy Spirit, loves to hear His voice echoed, even (especially?) in nature! And since we’ve largely removed ourselves from naturally flowing water, we have come to marvel at the artificial flow we pipe into our bathrooms. (Maybe this is why the bathroom is one of my favorite places in my house?)
Guess who’s going to find a natural water source to listen to soon? I’d invite you to join me, but I think I want to be alone.